HURT PEOPLE

There is a great quote that I like to share with others whenever they have been offended by another.

“Hurt people hurt people.”

I recently spent some time with a few hurt people, and I can testify that this quote is absolutely true. I try to live my life by what I call the platinum rule. Much like the golden rule, which states, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” the platinum rule takes this a step further. Instead of treating others how I want to be treated, I try to treat others how they want to be treated. By abiding to this rule, I enter into a social contract with those around me stating that I have the best interests of those around me at heart. This is simply who I am. I am not perfect and I am not the best at living this principle, but I can honestly say that I try. Because of my conscious choice to live this way, I am a very laid back person. When something cutting is said or done to me, I tend to give other the benefit of doubt and assume it wasn’t their intention to hurt me. I do not try to hurt others, so why would they intentionally try to hurt me?

The past few weeks have given me an opportunity to take a step back and observe these hurt people. While I have generally enjoyed great relationships with those around me, these hurt people seem to be seeking out reasons to be angry and offended. This makes them unhappy with themselves and their lives. And because they live this way, they seek out opportunities to make others unhappy. No matter what my wife and I try to do to improve our relationships with these hurt people, they metaphorically spit in our faces and do their best to project their self-loathing onto us.

This behavior has led to two choices:
1) Put up with their behavior and keep trying to improve the relationship, or
2) Abandon the relationship entirely.

Obviously there are other factors that have to be addressed when determining the future of a relationship, which I purposely did not divulge. Things like how long you’ve had the relationship, how you’re connected (family, neighbors, classmates, etc.), and potential repercussions all play a huge role in determining if you will abandon a relationship or not.

In this case with these specific hurt people, my household is divided. My wife, who is notoriously sweet and kind-hearted, believes very much in the former solution. I, on the other hand, would very much like to pursue the latter and abandon these relationships entirely. My reasoning behind this is not because I am a hurt, calloused individual, but because I have seen them hurt my wife so much. While my wife can take the pain and forgive and forget, I cannot bear to watch others hurt her anymore. As her husband, I believe it is my sacred responsibility to protect her from all harm. It doesn’t matter to me if this is someone physically hurting her, or in the case of these hurt people, the pain being entirely of an emotional state. I do not feel like these hurt people are worthy of my wife’s acquaintance, nor do I want to allow them additional opportunities to hurt her again. This feeling is further compounded as I see their apparent indifference towards my children, who take after my wife and love others unconditionally.

I am at a crossroads. Do I continue to let my wife dictate the state of our relationship with these hurt people because they are only in my life because of her? Or do I step up as the patriarch and protector of my family and cut these hurt people out of our lives?